reluctant resolution

Day’s end and the year

bends and topples into another

– chapter closed, chapter opened –

pages lined with laughter, smiles, challenges, rapture

with questions, replete with intentions,

someone mentions resolutions and I pause.

I guess that’s the point of this time of year-

reflection-

where things are ending and the future’s never been more near-

you count down to it in a way

that you don’t in the other 364 days,

it’s a touch point, a base to make your pledges

to yourself, maybe others-

all tessellates tonight and edges overlap one another

to a heady soundtrack of partypoppers doubts, unknowns

‘Should haves’, ‘Would haves’, ‘Could haves’, ‘Dids’ and ‘Didn’ts…

but I will’ fill the space in your head

dancing with your hopes and your dreads

‘til you’re not sure who’s leading and who’s being led.

Making a pact with anything isn’t easy

for anyone, God forbid letting people know

and I’ll admit that the thought

of committing makes me queasy- so resolutions

tend to evade me, or maybe vice versa- but maybe

2016’s the year to reverse the trend, and hold out

a hand to shake with promise- to plunge to

resolution’s origin, Latin resolvere

meaning to loosen, release-

in other words, letting something open,

piece by reluctant piece.

It’s a fact my grip’s tight in many ways-

the words that I write being just one,

I hold them too close, out of the light

I turn them away from people’s gaze and

carry on like they never happened

because avoiding the difficult comes naturally

to everyone but actually when all is hidden and done

what’s really changed?

Free words can alter the world,

there is range and reach,

potential and value in each and every one that is uttered,

whether written, muttered, whispered, or shouted

and that’s the thing about it- about writing-

all of it is worth a listening ear,

a scanning eye- the freedom to be released and

roam far and wide regardless of the hand or mind

that formed it. I guess what it is that I’m trying to say

is that I stand by the fact that words should be said and read

then buckle and close my own notebook instead

of entering mine into the mix

a hypocritical tendency I’m hoping 2016 and I will try to fix.

It’s a fact my grip’s tight in many ways-

the words that I write being just one,

I hold them too close, out of the light

I turn them away from people’s gaze and

carry on like they never happened

because avoiding the difficult comes naturally

to everyone but actually when all is hidden and done

what’s really changed?

I have,

maybe.

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